What Are Values, Personal Values, Family Values, Core Values?
Values are what motivate us. But when we use words over and over they become buzzwords which is...a word that has only vague meaning... because we can't define it. But we continue to use buzzwords and think we are communicating something to ourselves and to other people.
Politicians talk of family values...and everyone lets it pass because everybody knows what those are. But schizophrenic families don't have the same values as investment banking families.
So let's follow the rule Aristotle gave us for defining any term...a rule that scientists have followed ever since. You define a thing...or idea to show how it differs from other things and ideas. So how do personal values differ from core values and from other values?
Here's the rule.
What you're defining must belong
1.) to a general class (a genus)...and that general class must have
2.) examples in it that are specifically different from each other (species).
Great. Values is the general class and personal values...family values...and core values are separate species...that have to be different from each other.
Here goes.
Values are in the general class of ...strong desires that lead to action...either 1.) to keep something...or 2.) to get something.
A politician desires to keep her senate seat as a base...to gain the presidency.
So each sub species of values will have strong desire that leads to action in common. But then...they must be be different in other ways.
So here goes. Let's define them to see what their differences are.
Personal values
...would be strong desires that make you take action to keep or to get something...that enhances you as an individual. Family values are group oriented.
For example... Sue...who's an actress...goes after and gets a new type of role...to keep her popularity at the box office high. She takes action on these values to make them reality.
Bob is a physicist who wants to...get...a publisher for his new book so he can...keep...his scholarly reputation as a man on the cutting edge of science.
Petey...a generic kid...wants to get a mountain bike...so he sweeps company parking lots after school to keep the money coming in.
You get the idea...a value is a strong desire...plus relevant action...to get or keep something.
Family Values
...are strong desires to be identified publicly as a group called the Joneses or the Smiths...or the clan MacDonald. And to keep the rules and image of that family intact...a parent will tell an adolescent... As long as you live in my house...you will abide by my rules. A MacDonald only wears the clan tartan...no one else's. The Hatfields don't marry McCoys.
Family values reflect common commitment among the members to get or keep...
Core Values
...are the strongest desires of a person on which their other values rest. The probably untrue legend of George Washington makes the point well...when he supposedly said... Father...I cannot tell a lie...I chopped down the cherry tree. He kept to the truth...regardless of what he would get as the consequences.
Unlike personal values where what you keep...a senate seat...is tightly connected to what you want to get...the presidency...core values are things you feel strongly enough about to keep regardless of what you get.
The early Christian martyrs kept their faith...despite getting the run around from the lions in the arena.
Your core values are those strong desires which you will not yield on. They are the bedrock of your life...your morality...your other goals and your actions.
Patrick Henry made it clear that he would prefer death...if he could not keep his liberty. Liberty was the core value on which all else in his life depended.
What about people who have strong desires but nothing seems to work in their lives? They lose their jobs...they don't get the jobs they want...they never get ahead.
A couple of things could be awry...one possibly...the other definitely.
Possibly people may not have a strong enough desire for what they say they want. Many people want a better job...but...they say...the benefits here are too good to pass up. It's good benefits they want...not a better job. They find something to use to explain their desire away.
And so what's missing is...they take no action. They only...wish...for a better job.
But values result in action. Wishes have to be granted by somebody else taking action on your behalf...like Santa Claus...or the munchkins of the lottery who...you hope and pray...are frantically looking for your ticket before the drawing deadline.
The other problem people definitely have when their lives do not go according to their stated values or desires is...they do not want enough. They don't think big enough and so...they are not motivated to take action. Someone once said he wanted to make "a pile of money" by the time he was thirty.
But when he was offered a job at $15 an hour...he turned it down...said it wasn't worth his while going out all day for $15 an hour. You couldn't make real money at that rate.
To motivate yourself to act on your desires...desire on a big scale. If you want to make a hundred thousand dollars this year...go ahead. But you'll get up earlier and work longer...smarter...and use every resource you have...find every resource you don't have...if you make that goal one million dollars. It takes the same amount of smarts and energy to make a million as to make a hundred thousand dollars.
To get the action you need to make your values real...think big...and then up the ante on yourself and think even bigger.
Ask a lot of life...then get active and do the homework...so you won't have to wish for your life to pay off.
Thomas Drummond, Ph.D. is trained in clinical, developmental and neuropsychology. He has worked with the problems of clergy and religious of the catholic church for more than 20 years. Many had ministry values that were not strong enough to motivate them. And so they became bored and looked for meaning in ways that were contrary to the strongly held values of their church and religious congregations. Learn more at http://www.boundaries-for-effective-ministry.org/corevalues.html
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